The good, the bad and the ugly- 12 boys in 12 months

It is December 31, 2011 and what better day to reflect back on 2011. I have a lot of amazing things going on in my life, but let's be honest, they are not as funny as my dating life. So, here is to 2011. As my friend Nicole said to me last night, "you had mountain peaks and the lowest of lows". Both are true. And I am grateful for all of it. Every mortifying moment. Every laugh, every tear. Inspired by the current book I am reading, "31 Dates in 31 Days", by Tamara Duricka Johnson, sit back and enjoy my own journey- "12 boys in 12 months".

Greg: The charmer
This was the end, or the beginning. Depends which day you ask me. You will remember him as the guy who charmed the pants off me for over 2 years and one day, while standing in our kitchen, he said, "I think I would be better to you if my heart was in this". There you have it. The moment at the end of March 2011 that brought me to a fork in the road that no 30-something girl wants to be at. Sink or swim? I chose swim. After all, he was one part of my life, not my whole life. And surely, it was happening for a reason, even if I couldn't see it then. The next 2 months were a bit of a blur. But, I figured there must be nice guys out there. So, no stranger to on line dating, i figured I should get back on the horse.
Jason: The Great Wall of China
Jason was my first official date after Greg. And to this day, probably the best. In fact, I just had drinks with him yesterday- but that is another story. For 2 months we tried to get to know each other. The truth is, we were both hurt in the past. And when two people who have walls up start to date, nothing moves very fast. Jason, challenges me, which I love. We both have a quick wit and can talk about anything. However, timing is everything and we just couldn't figure each other out. But, he still makes me laugh, so we have stayed in touch as friends. Which I am grateful for. And between the nice dinners and golfing, we have shared many amazing moments. None of which I regret. So, as things started to fizzle during Stampede, I already had 3 dates lined up.
John: Dog Park Guy
John asked me if I wanted to come over to his house and have wine as our first date. Is he crazy?? I don't want to end up in a bathtub of ice missing a kidney. So, we ended up meeting at the dog park. He decided that my dog needs better training and spent a 1/2 hr yelling at her. Yep, this happened.
Rod: The Name Repeater
Rod was a sweet guy. Probably too sweet. We had plenty in common. Both like running and his family has a place in Tucson like mine. But a girl should never read into these things. So, he suggested a date of mini golf and pool. As soon as I saw him, i knew there was nothing there. Yes- I judged early. It was the wrinkled shirt tucked into Kirkland jeans. Anyway, I tried to enjoy myself but the guy sounded like he was reading from dating cue cards. "What's your favourite colour Meg", "What kinds of movies do you like Meg?", "Hey Meg- good shot". "Wow Meg, you sure are good at mini golf". Poor thing. He gave it a good effort. Luckily I had another date lined up that week, or was it?
Todd: Just Jaded
The best part of this date isn't even that he angrily told me he purchased the watch he was wearing with the money meant for a down payment for a ring for his Ex. The best part was that my Grade 12 Grad Date ended up being our waiter. In some cases this would have been a horrid experience, but luckily Jason saved me with a big glass of wine and small talk so I didn't have to endure the idiot known as Todd. Thanks Jason!
Kevin: The A & W Atheist
I have mixed feelings about this one. Truthfully, he made me feel like a princess. Took me to amazing restaurants and told me how beautiful I was. What girl wouldn't milk it? This girl. Once I found out he believed in NOTHING, it was over for me. I need to be with someone who believes we are all connected some how, some way. I don't care too much about the how, just that you care. So, after a few amazing dates, I ended it. He will be a great catch for someone though! And what he taught me is that I do know what I want and I can see through the fancy car and expensive dinners to what really matters to me. I was proud of myself for this one. It wasn't easy.
Mark: The Renter
Let me start by saying, there is nothing wrong with renting. But, when he found out I owned my own place, he spent 20 mins telling me why renting is better than owning. Next!
Jeff Jeff:
We have to call him Jeff Jeff because I work with two Jeff's and it was getting awkward trying to explain myself and who needs that office gossip! This is doozy!! After 8 years, I got a message from JJ on a site. Saying, "I don't want to creep you out but we know each other. Truth is I wanted to ask you out years ago but you had a boyfriend at the time." So, when I figured out who it was, I was really excited to see him again. And it was realllly good to see him again. We hung out a few times. Then he started to act strange. I am not dumb. I figured he probably had another gal on the go. At that point, given that we had only hung out a few times, I figured it was a nice friendship to rekindle if nothing else. But the he texted me and said, "I just don't see you romantically". Ok. Really? I thought you had avoided all contact because you really liked me. So glad you clarified. Long story short, i tried to forget it happened. We have talked since, but he still has strange behaviour and isn't even a great friend to me. So, my advice to myself is NEXT. And I give really good advice!
Brent: Bi-Polar Brent
I know what I want, no I don't, yes I do, no I don't. Dating Brent was fun and not so fun at the same time. Maybe his bi-polar behaviour is rubbing off on me. Brent is great on paper. And in person, he was close. At first.... We had a 3 hr first date over drinks. Lots of laughs, but I paid- clue #1. Decided on date 2- Screamfest. We had dinner first, this time I offered to pay since he bought the Screamfest tickets, but it was his idea, so I think a great girl would offer and a great guy would say, "my treat". After dinner we went to Screamfest. Which was actually one of the funnest times I have had. I screamed my head off. So did he. I was tired and he knew I had to teach in the morning. But, he insisted on drinks afterwards. So, half asleep I made small talk. As we walked to our cars, he asked, "Do you want to do this again". I say what i always do, "ya, we could figure something out". To which he replies, "I don't want to". Um ok. Could you not have told me that 2 hrs ago and not made me go have drinks with you until 1:30am when i teach in the morning? I replied slightly stunned, "ok- Thanks for the fun night", and got in my car. Then I laughed. Did that just happen? What ever happened to never texting again. Sends the same message, but saves me a few hrs of my time and one SUPER awkward moment. This story ends with a text from him 2 days later saying, "I think I came off wrong the other night, we had fun and I would like to see you again". What I wanted to say was, "No way in hell A^%hole". So I did......ok I was a bit nicer than that.
The Break:
This is when I was exhausted and busy and said if someone asked me out I would go. But was certainly putting little to no effort into finding dates. I figured I had learned enough lessons and got back on the dating train. Mission accomplished. So, brought on the final few dates of 2011...
Stephen: He thinks he is awesome....
I can make this one really quick. Meet up, drink my tea as fast as I can since this guy is creepier than the Saw series. Leave. Delete number from phone. Delete date from memory (after today)!
Pat: What you see isn't what you get
It is always interesting going on blind dates. You do have some idea what they look like. And for the most part, all of these guys slightly resemble their pictures. Except Pat. Pat looked like an above average guy in his pictures. In person, he looked 20 years older. Unfortunately, he wasn't nice or funny either. But he did buy me a latte, and I am always thankful for coffee :)
Nameless: Nameless because some people might know him
Just this week I went out for coffee with a guy who I found out I already knew. It is a small world. He is nice enough. I might go out with him next week again. I don't really have much more to say, other than, online dating is never anonymous, but always entertaining.

Some people reading this are probably wondering , why bother? Well, I wouldn't change a thing. Getting out of a long term relationship isnt easy. I got out there again and got practice. None of these turned into anything close to a relationship. But, had I not dated, I would have missed out on some laughs, good dinners, golf, Screamfest and a lot of other things- including getting great blog material! So, reflecting back, here is my lessons in love from 2011:
- A lot of people do what is easy instead of what is right. So, as my friend Alex would say, "Do what is right, not what is easy".
- Date your equal. I have yet to do this. I always settle for less. But, you can't find your equal without dating. I recently read a quote that said, "Breaking up is a chance to trade up". Something we should all think about!
- Trust the process. Trust that there is reason behind the chaos. When you trust, you can sit back and enjoy the ride. This is why 2011 didn't break me and probably why instead of saying, "I wish this year never happened", I am saying, "I am grateful for all the highs and lows".
- And my final lesson that I pull out when I do hit the lows, is one from my mom, "There is a lid for every pot". Sometimes these little sayings are what pull us up when we are down. Thanks Mom!

To everyone who stood by me this year-- thank you.
Surround yourself with amazing people, and no matter what life throws your way, you will come out on top. I promise!
Happy New Year friends,
Megan

Too funny not to post- actual messages sent to me

Well, I have not been dating much as of late...but I did receive a message that was too funny not to post for all of you to read. 9/10 messages received on dating sites are laughable, but these go one step further. Here is 3 actual messages sent to me tonight: 

I will title this one---Desperate for communication:
"Hi there just sittin on the iPod touch came across your profile and thought I would say hi and see if you wanted to chat further...I myself don't really like to message back and forth on here, I find it hard to get to know someone.but I will if ya don't instant message...if you have a blackberry my bbm pin is at the bottom of my profile feel free to add me.. If no black berry my msn is on my profile as well..you could always add me to messenger and we can chat in real time..or if you are adventurous enough we could always text..get in touch either way and we can go from there..."

And this one shall be called--- I have no words to describe this idiot:
"Um..you say you are not into intimate encounters or sex, Yet...right above that you say you have fun doing anything and are up for anything... Hmmm, kinda reminds me of that Caramilk commercial!!"

Last and not least, this one will be called---What kind of girl responds to this? And if she does, I hope she kicks you in the...:
"I would do anything to take you for a drink then have you walk on me or kick me. Interested?"
A short but oh so sweet post.
Happy Monday Friends!

"Yes Men can realy cook"...Bad spellers and first date no no's!

"Yes Men can realy cook" was the heading on someones profile. I wanted to write him back and say, "That may be true, but you can't spell...which is probably more of an issue for me". We all have our pet peeves I suppose. I can let it slide if you can tell it is a a quick error, because we are all used to spell check. But "really" should be a simple word for a 32 year old. Once again, this isn't even what I wanted to talk about!

So, let's move onto the more entertaining topic, my latest date. This guy chose subject matter that I would only think about maybe bringing up on date 5, 6, 7 or later....10 mins after I met the guy, he says, "So, when was your last relationship?". Really?? Or should I say "realy"?? Can't we talk about work, golfing, our weekends ahead, anything but that? What good can possibly come from talking about this on the first meeting? It is an absolute given that one of the two people with divulge too much from their past causing the other person to feel like a Jr High Guidance Counsellor. In this case that was me. Maybe it is a good thing? You can really see what kind of emotional head space someone is in?! Case in point- he went on for 300, I mean 30 mins or so about how is has been in LOVE 4 times in his life..blah blah blah......I felt like saying, "I would LOVE for you to shut up"...instead I drank my 140 degree tea as fast as I could and claimed I had to go let the dog out.

As I drove home, I started to think about my first date expectations (which by the way are sadly low right now). Here is my list of things that should not be talked about on a first date:

• When your last relationship was
• How many long term relationships you have had
• How many of any type of relationships you have had
• Anything to do with bedroom talk (I am being PG)
• How many cats you have (especially if it is more than 1)
• What your ex looked like
• What my ex looked like
• Why neither of us are married
• Why you are more awesome than anyone else on the planet
• Why you hate your job
• Why we should probably just back to your place (yes this has happened)
• Why you hate online dating (trust me, we all do...admitting it doesn't make it better or easier!)

So, what are your big no no's for first date chat topics? My co-worker shared this Calgary Radio Personality's blog with me, I agree with the entire list. He goes a little further and calls it something about being Undateable. I won't go that far, but he is bang on!
http://calgary.virginradio.ca/blog/adam/blogentry.aspx?BlogEntryID=10290735

Frog, Frog, Frog, Prince?!

It has been two weeks since my last post. In this time I have gone on zero dates. However, I did spend a week in Whistler/Vancouver, and have decided that there are many beautiful men out there- at least in the province over. Maybe it is the same as hair. My hair is straight, so I think curly hair is ideal. I live in Alberta, so BC men are cuter? My cousin in Van will back me up. She confessed to visiting Calgary with her husband and observing that Calgary has a lot of pretty girls hanging with "douche bag" guys. This of course has nothing to do with what I was going to post, but an observation that my many female friends will probably agree with! As I imagine the "typical" Calgary guy she probably saw, I see a Tap Out UFC t-shirt, expensive jeans, spiked hair and an ego bigger than the wheels on his truck. Or perhaps the well dressed, well educated 37 year old who has decided that being single is far better than being less selfish. She may have run into the unfortunately shorter than most women guy, who also owns 3 cats and thinks it is OK to wear Kirkland jeans. Frog, Frog, Frog....Prince! So, the reality is, I live in Alberta. And, now that I have talked about all the frogs out there, I will present to you my most recent list of what I want in a man- the Prince List. To all my single friends (all 2 or 3 of you), you should update yours too! Send it out into the Universe (or the Internet at the very least) and know that for all the Frogs you have dated, somewhere out there, your perfect prince awaits. I can't promise immediate results, you may just meet a few more frogs to test your humour first.
Megan's Prince List (in no particular order)- I am ready for a man who:

• knows the importance of family
• has a great group of supportive friends
• is taller than me
• loves animals
• likes his job
• has ambition
• has a hobby that he is passionate about
• has had his heart broken
• wants marriage
• wants a family
• believes love is a choice
• is spiritual if not religious
• loves to travel
• is a good listener
• is selfless and thoughtful
• has a sarcastic sense of humour
• adores me
• is active
• is not afraid to put work into a relationship
• takes accountability for his choices
• shows appreciation and positivity for everything

Bring it on! Now- come on ladies and gents. Make your own list if you haven't already. Or, make a list about other things in life. "Before having kids I want to...", "In my career, I want to". Consider it a virtual dream board. Speaking of which...I should probably add a Prince to that too.

There are more G.I. Joes than Kens....

Happy Halloween!
I will save you all from my rant about "sexy" Halloween costumes this time. But, let me tell you, I could not even find a crayon costume that was tasteful. Sexy crayon?? Seriously? Moving on....I had been asking all the kids I teach ballet to, what they were planning on being for Halloween. I soon noticed an interesting trend- "wedding bride". Is there another kind of bride I am not aware of? Anyway, this "wedding bride" costume was soon becoming the favorite of 2011, at least with the 5-7 year olds. As they proudly told me their costume choices, a sad voice in my head wanted to immediately tell them that the bride costume was a poor choice, but I didn't burst their little bubbles. However, the trend continued when I went to work and met with my VP. She told me her daughter picked out her costume, "Wedding Bride". You don't say....
At this point I felt as if the world should know my feelings of anger for imposing such a romantic fantasy on 5 year olds! So, I asked, "why isn't there a single, 30 year old career woman costume"? To which my VP replied sarcastically", "I didn't see that one". I might be slightly biased, but what 5 year old wouldn't want to be me?!! After asking several questions about how she came up with this costume choice,  I did find out that Toys R Us has a large Wedding Barbie and Ken display currently- which explains the popularity of the "Wedding Bride". At this point I was a bit frustrated that this display existed. So, I happen to mention to my VP that perhaps "Groom Ken" should actually be; "Acts like he is 20 Ken", "Bi-Polar Ken", "Alcoholic Ken", "Lives with his Mom Ken", "Work O Holic Ken" or my personal nemesis, "Commitment Phobe Ken". I mean, let's at least make the wedding dream a bit more realistic for these little girls!!

My VP was quick to respond and informed me that those seemed more like G.I Joe traits than Ken traits. Suddenly, years of dating ups and downs became clear...I have never dated a Ken, only G.I Joe after G.I Joe. Proud of my sudden personal growth, I thanked my VP for helping me realize this. She was quick to reassure me not to worry, but added that unfortunately, the G.I Joe selection at Toys R Us is much bigger than the Ken selection. Well, that explains a few things!

To think, after all these years, all I need to know in life I could have learned at Toys R Us. Who knew?!

Online Dating Profile Photography 101

Some people will say I am too picky. To a certain extent, they are probably right. But I know that most of you will be able to relate to my online dating profile photo analysis. After all, in the world of online dating, a photo is really all you have to create a solid, judgmental basis for your decision to begin communicating through a series of impersonal conversations and winks. Like many things online, there are a few key things I look at. For some, it might be if they have a nice smile, or bright blue eyes. I am far more judgmental than that. Here are a few photo pet peeves of mine. Boys- take note!

The Self Portrait
The last time I checked, it was pretty simple to get a digital photo of yourself. There are cameras everywhere, even on your phone. And as long as you are not a hermit (I am aware they exist), you should be able to find someone to take a photo of you. The Self Portrait comes in many ways. I think the one that troubles me the most is the shirtless photo taken in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. There is a slight variation of this, where the culprit remains clothed. Another option is the inconspicuous pose, or even the inconspicuous webcam shot. In these, it is often the side profile used so it looks as if the camera was giving them directions; “strike a pose”, “the camera loves you”…. Whatever the crime, there is simply no excuse to post a picture that has more of your arm aiming the camera than your face.

The Random Lady Friend
I have a feeling that some guys think that we want them more if they are with another woman. This may work on your average 23 year old bar star, but for the majority of us searching for a meaningful relationship, it is a big red flag. It doesn’t matter if it is your sister, best friend, ex wife, we don’t care. And even if it is your sister, we are probably comparing ourselves to her anyway. I think the worst part about the random lady friend showing up in online profile pictures, is that you never really know who it is. You find yourself guessing and then moving on. After all, sometimes a guy’s sisters can be scarier than his ex’s!

The Small Dog
Most gals I know, love a guy who likes animals. However, we do judge you by the kind of animals you have. I am a dog lover, and I own a fairly big dog. I can take her hiking without worrying a squirrel will carry her away or that she will get attacked by a hawk. So, when I am perusing your pictures and see a dog that belongs in Paris Hilton’s purse, I will probably move on. On a side note, if we meet and you talk to your dog in a really strange voice, that sounds like Scooby Doo, it will probably make me run!

The Baby Daddy

You think you look cute and nurturing in the photo with the children. But, your profile says “Ask Me Later” after the question of, “Do you have kids”. So, do I assume it is yours? Play it safe boys, talk about how much you love your nieces and nephews in your profile. Don’t throw in a random picture of you with kids for us to ponder about. In some cases, we don’t care if you have them or you don’t. It is the secrecy of the picture that is annoying. It is an especially odd photo when it comes right after the one where you are taking a tequila shot wearing a Sombrero and hardly any clothes.

Home Décor 101

This is one that most people don’t check. Unless of course you have taken Media Relations Training and you are aware that you need to check your surroundings, before your interview. You can be the cutest guy in Calgary, and if you are in a room and the background looks like a scene from Deliverance, Hostel or Trailer Park Boys- I will judge you. I will assume you live there, or your Mom’s basement and that you still have a decade or more of growing up to do. Most girls understand that the typical bachelor does not live in a home with matching furniture and décor. However, plates with food on them, cupboards from 1955 and flowered wall paper are all cause for concern.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many, many guys who have excellent photos that portray them as the guys who wear an amazing suit during the week and climb mountains and run marathons on the weekends. While the guys who take their own pictures, and live in &^%holes are probably closer to the truth, I like to live in a fantasy world!

The sky is the limit- the irony of online dating profile names

I will probably write about this a lot, but here is your first post about online dating- the dating profile name. Now, I will give you some examples, but please know, I am altering them slightly with numbers and minor spelling. I don't want to completely embarass these guys. Afterall, these profiles are searchable. Most of the names I see make me laugh. Some are meant to be funny, usually quoting Adam Sandler movies- example- "Billymadison364646". Some are funny, but are not meant to be, "6969Choc_delight". The latter is what I live for. It makes me feel better about my "situation". Afterall, I might be trolling online for Mr Right, but at least I am not ridiculous (although some may argue that)! Here are a few more good ones out there: "Epicurioussss", "Moonover19221", "Lovaboy38773". Some are vulgar, I won't give you any of those. Some are deep, "soul2soul0999", "Universebmyne". But today, the ironic name presented itself.

I am not short. I promise this has something to do with the irony. I am 5'7. Not tall, but not short. I will post an analysis on how many short men there are in Calgary another day. The point is, as I scroll through profile after profile, I usually look for men taller than me. Today, I see a message from, "theskyisthelimit44". First of all, I have to anaylize the name. Afterall, I don't have much else to go from. Overall, not a bad name. Not trying to be funny, not too deep. Clearly a positive guy- I mean, "theskyisthelimit44". He must be nice right?! So, let us see how tall he is. 5'6. Your profile name is "theskyisthelimit44" and you are 5'6?!!! Someone needs to tell show this guy the irony of his name. I will leave that for a cute, nice girl, who is shorter than him.

And for those of you wondering what my online dating profile name is, I went with a combination of my favourite place on earth and my dog's name. Hint- it is not "Edmontonrover" or "Cancunbailey".

What am I doing here?

So it happend. 6 months ago, my worst nightmare came true. I am well aware that horrible things happen to people everyday. And this doesn't even come close to awful. But, at the time, I thought it just might kill me. I got dumped. I have been dumped before. But, this was different. It was the out of the blue, tossed on your rump, lose your home, dumped via email kind of break up. And through all the tears, and analyzing the situation, the thing that seemed the worst was that not only was I single. I was now 30.

Since D-Day, I have realized, that 30 is 30. And, dating can be fun, or awful at any age. The difference this time, I have a better sense of humour about my situation. I laugh at my horrible dates as I update the girls at my office. Afteral, if I can't provide some entertainment on my hunt for Mr Right, then it isn't fun!

During one of my stand up routines, or what was actually lunch with a good friend of mine, I was filling him in about my new world. As I laughed at myself and the any ridiculous dates I had been on as of late, I wrapped up my story with, "so basically I get dressed up and go out with losers". Hamish looked up at me, finished chewing his pizza and said, "you have to write a blog about this, and that my friend is your title".

I laughed it off at the time. But, since this lunch, many more dates have happened, many more funny stories are floating around my head. So, here it is. Single, in my thirties- the humorous side of dating in Calgary.