How to Cure a Broken Heart

Ok, maybe not "cure" it. But, I can certainly look back at the last 10 months and give you some insight into how to at the very least, survive without medication! Some of my tips are not profound, but I can assure you that they work!

1) Be careful of the company you keep
I can't stress this enough. You will be just as surprised by the people who are there for you, as the people who are suddenly not. Surround yourself with people who want to help you focus on an amazing future, not the ones who want to ask you about the past. I had a family member start crying and say to me, "I thought he was the one". In my head I felt like saying, "No S&^%. You and everyone else but him". But, you will realize that not everyone knows how to be there for you. And that doesn't make them bad people, just not the right people to spend your fragile and sometimes irrational moments with! As you start to slowly heal, you will realize that some people just don't have a place in your life anymore and that is ok. After all, you have grown from the experience, and are likely more awesome now! I have a friend who said to me (as I was complaining about some of those that were MIA through everything), "Show me your friends, and I will show you your future". Once you have had time to heal, look around and make sure that the people around you are as awesome as you!

2) Remember life before Voldemort
We call him Voldemort (from Harry Potter) because for those of you who have seen the movies or read the books will remember that Voldemort is often referred to as"he who shall not be named". You had a life before your now ex. And I am willing to bet it was pretty great. But, we are all guilty of letting a loved one replace things we used to do for ourselves. Take advantage of this new found independence and let it be about you. Before my ex, I spent a lot of time on personal development. I also read more, went to the gym more and watched more chick flicks. All of these things make me happy, and getting back into these hobbies, will make you feel good. I promise! And, if like me, you find yourself growing tired of your own depressing company after a while, put your energy into making others feel good. A month after the break up I volunteered at the local Soup Kitchen, feeding the homeless. It was heart warming and reminded me that my heart would heal, but at least I had food and a roof over my head. If volunteering isn't for you, surprise a friend with lunch. The more joy you give, the more you get back, so in times of heart ache, it is important to remember to give joy when you need it most.

3) Make a change!
Now, I am not telling you to sell your house and move to Bali, although I know that is exactly what most people want to do after something like this happens. Once you start to feel stable again, think about something you want to change and do it. For me, it was materialistic but important. My ex was "frugal" aka CHEAP. He informed me when we were together that I would be driving my current car until it died. This was after I announced that I was going to by a new car (with my finances). So, when we broke up, I did just that- bought the new car! I found comfort in knowing that he didn't know that I had it. I had done it on my own and it was a part of my new life without him. If everything stays the same, you may as well still be with the jerk. So, change it up! New hair? Lose weight? Buy a house? Get that dog you always wanted but he was allergic? Start a new career? The world is your oyster!! That is one great thing about being single. The decisions are yours and yours only. So just do it!

4) Date
Not right away. Nobody wants to date an emotional mess. And, especially if you want to try online dating, if you are not comfortable in your own skin, it can be an awful experience and send you even further down. However, once you you can go a full day without crying when someone speaks his name, you should try dating. Not "rebounding" and jumping into bed with the first person who compliments you, but dating. Take it slow. Go on dates and have no expectations. Treat each date as part of your journey towards meeting someone awesome. Learn things about yourself, and what you look for. I was shocked to see how different what I look for in a potential mate is as opposed to when I dated pre-Voldemort. Besides, getting dressed up and going out with a loser, is way better than sitting in your jammies and drinking a bottle of wine on a Friday night! Although I do encourage a few nights like that as well!

5) CRY!!! ( and read and talk)..and CRY!!!!
Bring on the water works people! I remember one day when I thought there couldn't possibly be any more tears left. I cried for 4 more hours after that and then got sick to my stomach! haha Your body cries for a reason. Let it! If you are still crying daily after a month, I would suggest seeking help- which I will bring up in a minute, but the first month is a rough one. So hit Costco and pick up 12 boxes of Kleenex and let it go! It is such an important part of healing. The people I know who don't let themselves do this (after all, crying is apparently a sign of weakness??) are still dealing with their trunk full of baggage years later and dumping it all on their next partner. Crying proves we are human. And it feels damn good afterwards. Another thing that helped me was hitting the self help section at Chapters. You will be surprised how many people are in that aisle when you start to frequent it! Pick up the classics that are well marketed, like, "It is called a break up because it is Broken". And then pick up other books that speak to you. In case you want a few recommendations, the end of this blog post will be a list of tools that got me through the mess. This included taking advantage of the few free counselling sessions through my work benefits plans. A good "counsellor" will give you some techniques to change your mindset and get out of the negative thinking. This is a perfect segway...

6) Turn Off the Tape Recorder
We all have negative thoughts once in a while. But, I challenge you to write them all down for a week. I did this as part of my counselling. I was embarrassed when I read what I had been telling myself over and over. "I will never get married", "No one will ever love me enough to want to stay with me forever", "I am fat and ugly", "I am a failure". Never mind repeating all the mean thing the ex had said to me in the break up, "I want to get married and have kids just not with you", "Maybe I am just not attracted to you", "We got along well because I am like that with everyone". Ahhhhh why was I letting my precious thoughts be about this garbage? The past is over, so turn off the tape recorder and fill your head with thoughts that will help you move forward!

7) Travel
After having to pay for an unexpected move, and having used up all my holidays to attend Voldemort's sister's wedding in Mexico a few month's earlier, I couldn't afford to take a big trip. That doesn't mean you can't take a small one! I went east to visit family. It is amazing to know that you are in a place where you will NOT run into your ex! And, you also  realize that there is a world outside of your bubble, and millions of people who have gotten through the same thing.

8) Grow and Trust
You didn't go through this temporary hell for nothing! So take advantage of it and grow!! We all learn more in times of heartache. This is your chance to be an even better person. Be a better friend, a better family member and a better employee. Learn about yourself and know that this pain was not all for nothing. Trust the process of life and that this is exactly where you are supposed to be. And if all else fails, when you are sobbing uncontrollably and eating your second pint of Ben and Jerry's just keep telling yourself what your mom would say to you, "This too shall pass" and in my case, "There is a lid for every pot".

9) The Tools
No, when I say "tool" I am not referring to your ex! As promised, here is a collection of the things that helped me get through this tough time. I will leave you with this quote taken from one of the websites I am about to give you:
"Eventually all the pieces fall into place...until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason".- Carrie Bradshaw

Best Breakup Books:
"The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart"- Daphne Rose This was my fav in the first few months. She also wrote another great one called, "Coming Apart: Why relationships end and how to live through the ending of yours".

"The Case for Falling in Love"- Mari Ruti

"If he is not the one, who is? What went wrong and what it tales to find Mr Right"- Lisa Steadman

"Getting past your breakup: How to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to you"- Susan J. Elliott

"The 5 Love Languages"- Gary Chapman

"The Book of Awesome"- Neil Pasricha

Best Breakup Websites:
www.louisehay.com check out her Daily Affirmations. She also has a lot of great books! Today's affirmation: "Today I am moving into my greater good".

The Daily Love- www.thedailylove.com Sign up for daily emails from Mastin Kipp. Great content!
@thedailylove

www.tut.com Sign up for "Notes from the Universe". I love these emails! Today's email, "With great responsibility, Megan, comes great power. The more you accept the first- for your happiness, unhappiness, and all else- the more you are given the latter. Sounds like a good deal?"

"Card Board"- Don't get rid of all those Christmas Cards!

January is always a bitter sweet. We are offered a fresh slate, but the joy and love spread throughout the holiday season seems to come to an abrupt halt. Now, add in a birthday on January 2, and it feels like all of the big events happen within 10 days. So, as I sadly took down the decorations and put all of my birthday and Christmas cards into a pile, I came up with a great idea to keep these messages of joy and love with me all year- The Card Board! It is a simple concept that I am sure many people have come up with in the past. But, in my mind, it is a stroke of genius! Here is how you do it:

1) Find a big picture frame (mine was from Costco)
2) Cut out any meaningful messages/images from all your cards
3) Make a collage
4) Ta Dah! Put it somewhere that you can see it
5) Feel the love all year long

If anyone else does this, send me a pic! Here is mine.

Happy 2012 Everyone,
Megan