Happy Halloween!
I will save you all from my rant about "sexy" Halloween costumes this time. But, let me tell you, I could not even find a crayon costume that was tasteful. Sexy crayon?? Seriously? Moving on....I had been asking all the kids I teach ballet to, what they were planning on being for Halloween. I soon noticed an interesting trend- "wedding bride". Is there another kind of bride I am not aware of? Anyway, this "wedding bride" costume was soon becoming the favorite of 2011, at least with the 5-7 year olds. As they proudly told me their costume choices, a sad voice in my head wanted to immediately tell them that the bride costume was a poor choice, but I didn't burst their little bubbles. However, the trend continued when I went to work and met with my VP. She told me her daughter picked out her costume, "Wedding Bride". You don't say....
At this point I felt as if the world should know my feelings of anger for imposing such a romantic fantasy on 5 year olds! So, I asked, "why isn't there a single, 30 year old career woman costume"? To which my VP replied sarcastically", "I didn't see that one". I might be slightly biased, but what 5 year old wouldn't want to be me?!! After asking several questions about how she came up with this costume choice, I did find out that Toys R Us has a large Wedding Barbie and Ken display currently- which explains the popularity of the "Wedding Bride". At this point I was a bit frustrated that this display existed. So, I happen to mention to my VP that perhaps "Groom Ken" should actually be; "Acts like he is 20 Ken", "Bi-Polar Ken", "Alcoholic Ken", "Lives with his Mom Ken", "Work O Holic Ken" or my personal nemesis, "Commitment Phobe Ken". I mean, let's at least make the wedding dream a bit more realistic for these little girls!!
My VP was quick to respond and informed me that those seemed more like G.I Joe traits than Ken traits. Suddenly, years of dating ups and downs became clear...I have never dated a Ken, only G.I Joe after G.I Joe. Proud of my sudden personal growth, I thanked my VP for helping me realize this. She was quick to reassure me not to worry, but added that unfortunately, the G.I Joe selection at Toys R Us is much bigger than the Ken selection. Well, that explains a few things!
To think, after all these years, all I need to know in life I could have learned at Toys R Us. Who knew?!
Monday 31 October 2011
Monday 17 October 2011
Online Dating Profile Photography 101
Some people will say I am too picky. To a certain extent, they are probably right. But I know that most of you will be able to relate to my online dating profile photo analysis. After all, in the world of online dating, a photo is really all you have to create a solid, judgmental basis for your decision to begin communicating through a series of impersonal conversations and winks. Like many things online, there are a few key things I look at. For some, it might be if they have a nice smile, or bright blue eyes. I am far more judgmental than that. Here are a few photo pet peeves of mine. Boys- take note!
The Baby Daddy
Don’t get me wrong, there are many, many guys who have excellent photos that portray them as the guys who wear an amazing suit during the week and climb mountains and run marathons on the weekends. While the guys who take their own pictures, and live in &^%holes are probably closer to the truth, I like to live in a fantasy world!
The Self Portrait
The last time I checked, it was pretty simple to get a digital photo of yourself. There are cameras everywhere, even on your phone. And as long as you are not a hermit (I am aware they exist), you should be able to find someone to take a photo of you. The Self Portrait comes in many ways. I think the one that troubles me the most is the shirtless photo taken in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. There is a slight variation of this, where the culprit remains clothed. Another option is the inconspicuous pose, or even the inconspicuous webcam shot. In these, it is often the side profile used so it looks as if the camera was giving them directions; “strike a pose”, “the camera loves you”…. Whatever the crime, there is simply no excuse to post a picture that has more of your arm aiming the camera than your face.
The last time I checked, it was pretty simple to get a digital photo of yourself. There are cameras everywhere, even on your phone. And as long as you are not a hermit (I am aware they exist), you should be able to find someone to take a photo of you. The Self Portrait comes in many ways. I think the one that troubles me the most is the shirtless photo taken in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. There is a slight variation of this, where the culprit remains clothed. Another option is the inconspicuous pose, or even the inconspicuous webcam shot. In these, it is often the side profile used so it looks as if the camera was giving them directions; “strike a pose”, “the camera loves you”…. Whatever the crime, there is simply no excuse to post a picture that has more of your arm aiming the camera than your face.
The Random Lady Friend
I have a feeling that some guys think that we want them more if they are with another woman. This may work on your average 23 year old bar star, but for the majority of us searching for a meaningful relationship, it is a big red flag. It doesn’t matter if it is your sister, best friend, ex wife, we don’t care. And even if it is your sister, we are probably comparing ourselves to her anyway. I think the worst part about the random lady friend showing up in online profile pictures, is that you never really know who it is. You find yourself guessing and then moving on. After all, sometimes a guy’s sisters can be scarier than his ex’s!
I have a feeling that some guys think that we want them more if they are with another woman. This may work on your average 23 year old bar star, but for the majority of us searching for a meaningful relationship, it is a big red flag. It doesn’t matter if it is your sister, best friend, ex wife, we don’t care. And even if it is your sister, we are probably comparing ourselves to her anyway. I think the worst part about the random lady friend showing up in online profile pictures, is that you never really know who it is. You find yourself guessing and then moving on. After all, sometimes a guy’s sisters can be scarier than his ex’s!
The Small Dog
Most gals I know, love a guy who likes animals. However, we do judge you by the kind of animals you have. I am a dog lover, and I own a fairly big dog. I can take her hiking without worrying a squirrel will carry her away or that she will get attacked by a hawk. So, when I am perusing your pictures and see a dog that belongs in Paris Hilton’s purse, I will probably move on. On a side note, if we meet and you talk to your dog in a really strange voice, that sounds like Scooby Doo, it will probably make me run!
Most gals I know, love a guy who likes animals. However, we do judge you by the kind of animals you have. I am a dog lover, and I own a fairly big dog. I can take her hiking without worrying a squirrel will carry her away or that she will get attacked by a hawk. So, when I am perusing your pictures and see a dog that belongs in Paris Hilton’s purse, I will probably move on. On a side note, if we meet and you talk to your dog in a really strange voice, that sounds like Scooby Doo, it will probably make me run!
The Baby Daddy
You think you look cute and nurturing in the photo with the children. But, your profile says “Ask Me Later” after the question of, “Do you have kids”. So, do I assume it is yours? Play it safe boys, talk about how much you love your nieces and nephews in your profile. Don’t throw in a random picture of you with kids for us to ponder about. In some cases, we don’t care if you have them or you don’t. It is the secrecy of the picture that is annoying. It is an especially odd photo when it comes right after the one where you are taking a tequila shot wearing a Sombrero and hardly any clothes.
Home Décor 101
This is one that most people don’t check. Unless of course you have taken Media Relations Training and you are aware that you need to check your surroundings, before your interview. You can be the cutest guy in Calgary, and if you are in a room and the background looks like a scene from Deliverance, Hostel or Trailer Park Boys- I will judge you. I will assume you live there, or your Mom’s basement and that you still have a decade or more of growing up to do. Most girls understand that the typical bachelor does not live in a home with matching furniture and décor. However, plates with food on them, cupboards from 1955 and flowered wall paper are all cause for concern.Don’t get me wrong, there are many, many guys who have excellent photos that portray them as the guys who wear an amazing suit during the week and climb mountains and run marathons on the weekends. While the guys who take their own pictures, and live in &^%holes are probably closer to the truth, I like to live in a fantasy world!
Monday 10 October 2011
The sky is the limit- the irony of online dating profile names
I will probably write about this a lot, but here is your first post about online dating- the dating profile name. Now, I will give you some examples, but please know, I am altering them slightly with numbers and minor spelling. I don't want to completely embarass these guys. Afterall, these profiles are searchable. Most of the names I see make me laugh. Some are meant to be funny, usually quoting Adam Sandler movies- example- "Billymadison364646". Some are funny, but are not meant to be, "6969Choc_delight". The latter is what I live for. It makes me feel better about my "situation". Afterall, I might be trolling online for Mr Right, but at least I am not ridiculous (although some may argue that)! Here are a few more good ones out there: "Epicurioussss", "Moonover19221", "Lovaboy38773". Some are vulgar, I won't give you any of those. Some are deep, "soul2soul0999", "Universebmyne". But today, the ironic name presented itself.
I am not short. I promise this has something to do with the irony. I am 5'7. Not tall, but not short. I will post an analysis on how many short men there are in Calgary another day. The point is, as I scroll through profile after profile, I usually look for men taller than me. Today, I see a message from, "theskyisthelimit44". First of all, I have to anaylize the name. Afterall, I don't have much else to go from. Overall, not a bad name. Not trying to be funny, not too deep. Clearly a positive guy- I mean, "theskyisthelimit44". He must be nice right?! So, let us see how tall he is. 5'6. Your profile name is "theskyisthelimit44" and you are 5'6?!!! Someone needs to tell show this guy the irony of his name. I will leave that for a cute, nice girl, who is shorter than him.
And for those of you wondering what my online dating profile name is, I went with a combination of my favourite place on earth and my dog's name. Hint- it is not "Edmontonrover" or "Cancunbailey".
I am not short. I promise this has something to do with the irony. I am 5'7. Not tall, but not short. I will post an analysis on how many short men there are in Calgary another day. The point is, as I scroll through profile after profile, I usually look for men taller than me. Today, I see a message from, "theskyisthelimit44". First of all, I have to anaylize the name. Afterall, I don't have much else to go from. Overall, not a bad name. Not trying to be funny, not too deep. Clearly a positive guy- I mean, "theskyisthelimit44". He must be nice right?! So, let us see how tall he is. 5'6. Your profile name is "theskyisthelimit44" and you are 5'6?!!! Someone needs to tell show this guy the irony of his name. I will leave that for a cute, nice girl, who is shorter than him.
And for those of you wondering what my online dating profile name is, I went with a combination of my favourite place on earth and my dog's name. Hint- it is not "Edmontonrover" or "Cancunbailey".
What am I doing here?
So it happend. 6 months ago, my worst nightmare came true. I am well aware that horrible things happen to people everyday. And this doesn't even come close to awful. But, at the time, I thought it just might kill me. I got dumped. I have been dumped before. But, this was different. It was the out of the blue, tossed on your rump, lose your home, dumped via email kind of break up. And through all the tears, and analyzing the situation, the thing that seemed the worst was that not only was I single. I was now 30.
Since D-Day, I have realized, that 30 is 30. And, dating can be fun, or awful at any age. The difference this time, I have a better sense of humour about my situation. I laugh at my horrible dates as I update the girls at my office. Afteral, if I can't provide some entertainment on my hunt for Mr Right, then it isn't fun!
During one of my stand up routines, or what was actually lunch with a good friend of mine, I was filling him in about my new world. As I laughed at myself and the any ridiculous dates I had been on as of late, I wrapped up my story with, "so basically I get dressed up and go out with losers". Hamish looked up at me, finished chewing his pizza and said, "you have to write a blog about this, and that my friend is your title".
I laughed it off at the time. But, since this lunch, many more dates have happened, many more funny stories are floating around my head. So, here it is. Single, in my thirties- the humorous side of dating in Calgary.
Since D-Day, I have realized, that 30 is 30. And, dating can be fun, or awful at any age. The difference this time, I have a better sense of humour about my situation. I laugh at my horrible dates as I update the girls at my office. Afteral, if I can't provide some entertainment on my hunt for Mr Right, then it isn't fun!
During one of my stand up routines, or what was actually lunch with a good friend of mine, I was filling him in about my new world. As I laughed at myself and the any ridiculous dates I had been on as of late, I wrapped up my story with, "so basically I get dressed up and go out with losers". Hamish looked up at me, finished chewing his pizza and said, "you have to write a blog about this, and that my friend is your title".
I laughed it off at the time. But, since this lunch, many more dates have happened, many more funny stories are floating around my head. So, here it is. Single, in my thirties- the humorous side of dating in Calgary.
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